(Dec 2021) This as relevant today as it was in 2010 when I first wrote it. After the past 18 months people are trying to put back the pieces – re-build and face an entirely different world and workplace. Transition is all around us – it is constant. Life is always throwing stuff at us that pushes us into transition - nothing is static or same especially in these challenging times. I don’t know about you, but almost every friend or acquaintance I have has been touched by business closures, bankruptcy, personal loss and perhaps having to start all over. Some find themselves in middle age having to look for alternate employment - and in many cases settle for what we used to call "McJobs". Others are dealing with loss and illness – we have entered a new reality. What to do?
What does it feel like when you hit this wall? Well, it feels like hitting a wall or being pushed into one. Many have worked hard for over 25 -30 years or more - building a business, working a job just to see it all crumble around them. – that’s hard! Hitting the wall can also be a health diagnoses that takes the wind out of your sails (my own dilemma).
What does this do for your confidence?
Many will go through the normal stages of grief (I use the Kubler Ross Model with clients):
Denial – This didn’t happen - I can’t believe it! What did I do wrong?
Anger - It’s not fair – why me?
Bargaining – What do I have to do to change this? Make it better?
Depression/Anxiety – There may be lots of time on the couch in front of the TV – watching endless re-runs, reliving your past… that’s OK as long as you don’t stay there and gather dust…I have lived this so please don’t take this as trite advice…
Acceptance – This is the stage where you finally realize that you cannot or can change the situation and this is where you will find the momentum to move on.
Here’s the catch – this is not cyclical – this is not a list. You many go back and forth along this continuum until life settles into a new ‘normal’ for you.
Many people ‘Hit the wall’ and never get back up. Over our many years of experience we collect so much experience and wisdom, only to end up being marginalized or thought of as ‘past our Best Before Date’. What a shame! that our society sees wisdom and experience as ‘past it’. I myself have hit that wall on many occasions, and even now – hit the wall occasionally. So how do you manage to get up – brush yourself off and keep going?
The first step is taking back (or claiming) your confidence, learning and knowing that you are worthy and that you have an amazing gift to give the world. Every human being has this gift inside. The good news is that there is a road back – there is help along the way. Practice self-talk in the mirror – try it!
The trick is to keep believing in yourself, even if you can only do it for one day a week, after a while, you will find yourself doing it more often. For me, coaching helps whether it is one on one or in a group setting – talking things through with someone really helps. Talking with a good friend also helps… Letting the emotion flow is also helpful – cry yourself a river if need be -get it all out! Go for a walk – get fresh air it helps!
So, what’s your wall? (The first thing is to recognize that there is one…)
- Lost your job? Feeling ‘all at sea’?
- Stuck for a new idea for your business?
- Business in a slump? Downturn or closed?
- In trouble at work? Not making the grade?
- Single Mom or Dad struggling with bills?
- Feeling isolated? Feeling like you can’t see the road back?
There IS a road back!
Inside this gift of TRANSITION, there is an opportunity just waiting to be uncovered, a new door to be opened. It is a new beginning (gift) waiting to be unwrapped, with a voyage of adventure and challenge on the other side. It may not seem that way now – but trust me (The Queen of Transition) it will happen!
Accept your gift – it’s yours for the taking! Get help along the way – we are all in this together!
I love to help people become their best selves. transition and change is with us always, we are constantly re-inventing ourselves and that requires commitment and a process.